Flipping channels a few minutes ago, and the writhing video montage came to rest on a re-run of Cops. Two southern (by the accents) officers listening politely to a disheveled man rambling on about how much he loves snakes; how much he cares far more for them than any human. The guy was obviously dedicated to his snakes; but he spoke in that overly erudite but somewhat slurred way that most of us tag as somethan’ ain’t right in the haid talk. The officers were nodding politely and rolling their eyes.

Almost immediately, I was seized with a desire to change the channel. While some folks would stay their hand for the amusement value, or to try and plumb the mental recesses of the man’s speech, or even because in some wierd way they felt it would be impolite to interrupt the man no matter how insane he is, forgetting subconsciously that it’s just a television; I began to feel physically ill from listening to him. As if his speech was the vector for a new stupidity flu. When I considered it (after changing the channel to something equally as vapid but less nauseating), I realized that I have that reaction to a lot of conversations. Something in my brain says “Holy hell, this conversation is rocketing down the IQ chart; begin escape procedures!” and I start looking for ways to get away. Only societal pressure keeps me from blurting out something along the lines of “Wow, you are nucking futs. My brain hurts, and I feel less intelligent for having known you. Please leave.” A little inhibition lubricant, such as alcohol, would no doubt result in such a scene. And so, for a lot of conversations, I find myself looking for an escape route more than a thoughtful reply. I’ll often catch myself making subconscious glances at a door or watch, or verbal tics, that border on the rude; if it’s a really mind-boggling speaker, I might not care that I made them.

Oh, and yes; I realize that I’m not necessarily talking about “stupidity”; yes, some of the speakers may have real mental issues that they can’t help… but “awkward social vocalizations cause by psychological defect hurts” makes a poor title.